


Cosmic Divine Crystalline: Akatsukigiving

by Eto_Yoshimura



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy, Naruto, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:35:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29010636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eto_Yoshimura/pseuds/Eto_Yoshimura
Comments: 1





	1. Chapter 1

Cosmic Divine Crystalline: AkatsukiGiving

At a traffic light, two teenagers were smoking pot laying in the middle of the street as hover cars kept zooming over them and honking at them.

"Fucking idiot!" Pain said out his hovercar and hovered right over them and onto his way.

"Having to run an evil organization and I have this crap to go through- oh my god... I hope this doesn't get worse." He said to himself as he spun around in his hovercar only to make it to where he was to go- a 7/11.

Pain got out and inside only to find Deidara in there looking at the Gatorade.

"Buy some it's going to be a trip." Pain said to him as Deidara only nodded.

"Figured but I'm debating on what kind to get." He told Pain.

"Get any!" Pain told him.

"We have a thanksgiving to go too and what's worse is that I have to drive with you." Pain said.

"What's wrong with me?" Deidara asked as he began to light a cigarette filled with pot.

"That! I got to smell that!" Pain said pointing at it.

"Hey man, relax." Deidara said to him.

"Relax? I just saw two potheads in the middle of a street just nearby!" Pain told him trying to gather things at the small market.

"Well, they probably were too high." Deidara said as Pain just banged his head on the glass panel and took out a Gatorade and gave it to Deidara.

"Here here!" he said.

"Oh... hey cool you picked one out for me." Deidara said walking with him to the check stand.

They paid as the clerk looked scared looking at the two of them.

"So Konan isn't driving with you?" Deidara asked.

"Yes she is but I decided to pick you up first since your, not at the base which you were supposed to be." Pain told him with a grunt.

They both walked out and into the car.

"So where are we going again?" Deidara asked.

"To Kisame's fathers house for thanksgiving his mansion." Pain said getting into the car and buckling himself and then Deidara up with the seat belt since he was dazed.

"It's like I'm taking care of a child." Pain said as he then spun out of the driveway of the store and out into the traffic as the traffic honked at him as he barely missed a few hover cars.

Konan waited in the rain with an umbrella staring mad at what was in front of her, which was Christmas decorations. After a moment she then used her paper ability powers and paper unfolded from the ground and spun rapidly slicing up the decorations then the car pulled up and she acted innocent as Pain looked across from there base at the neighbor's homes decorations.

"Wow... they really made it look like a Halloween attraction this time." Pain said.

"Yeah, let's go." Konan said acting innocent as Deidara was in the back of the car munching on chips.

"Does he know we are going to eat at-" Konan said as Pain quickly pointed out.

"High." He said and she just sighed.

"Okay." She said and looked out the window as Pain drove.

"So... I figured maybe when we get there we could go up to one of the mansion's rooms, nice and quiet and-" Pain started as Konan then quickly spoke up.

"Infront of Deidara!?" She said aiming her thumb at the back seat as Pain looked back at Deidara.

"Oh relax he probably won't remember this." He said.

"Yeah, I will." Deidara said simply as Pain just sighed.

"Look you two go bang I don't care." Deidara said to them as Konan crossed her arms.

"I may kill him before we get there." She said to Pain.

Meanwhile, Kisame was honking the horn while at the old dale pub.

An old western bar now restaurant/bar and Kakuzu came out.

"Shut up! I can hear you boy!" Kakuzu said all cranky like and got in the passenger seat.

"Wait- what the hell is all this!" Kakuzu said looking at magazines of older women that was well, nude magazines.

"My business." Kisame said grabbing it and throwing into the back.

"You need a younger woman boy!" Kakuzu yelled at him.

"I'm not dating anyone its just for me! And whats wrong with older women... there nice and loose and-" Kisame started to speak than in the back seat was Itachi who rubbed his head.

"Ugh..." Itachi said to himself.

"Hey! You don't even get any motivation to get a girl! Or get laid!" Kisame said to him and began to drive.

"So who's house are we going to? Your dads?" Itachi asked.

"Yes." Kisame replied.

"How is your dad doing?" Itachi asked.

"I think he's okay. He said he's no longer lonely since mom died." Kisame said.

"Oh, sorry to hear that... how old was she?" Itachi asked.

"Four years." Kisame said which made Kakuzu look and Itachi to look.

"What the hell?" Kakuzu asked.

"Hm? Well, she was a gold fish." Kisame said as both Itachi and Kakuzu looked away in a bit of fright.

"Before he was married to misses bear." Kisame said as Kakuzu frowned.

"Okay! I lived too damn long to hear this shit! I'm almost a hundred years old! I don't need to hear this!" Kakuzu yelled as Kisame stopped the car in the middle of the road as other hovercars flew by around him honking.

"Let me tell you both something! Do not dare insult my dad and his unique love qualities! I wouldn't have been born after all." Kisame said to them both and then began to drive again.

"God best strike your dad..." Itachi mumbled.

"Huh?" Kisame said looking in the mirror to look at Itachi.

"I said God best strike your dad for the abominations he's committed." Itachi said sternly as then there was silence.

"DOOOHHHHH boy... Cop behind us." Kakuzu said as Kisame sighed.

"Shit..." He said and began to pull over.

The cop walked up to the window.

"Sir-" The cop started as Kisame spoke up.

"Sorry! I know I stopped in the middle of traffic but these two idiots here think its weird my dad was married to misses goldfish and to misses gopher and to misses beaver- well actually I didn't like misses beaver but-" Kisame said as the cop then slammed his fist on the hood of the hovercar.

"Shut up! Give me your license and registration." He said sternly as Kisame sighed to get it out.

"And by the way sir, your father sounds fucked up." He said.

Kisame in shock looking at the officer not knowing what to say.

"Thank you!" Kakuzu said.

Meanwhile, Hidan and Sasori were both in the truck and in the back was most of the food they were bringing with a tarp over it.

Hidan looking around then grinned.

"I think I seen in that couples home them having sex." He said.

"Do you always try to look through people's windows driving by?" Sasori asked while driving.

"Heh yeah... you can see something you wouldn't see in a lifetime." Hidan said to him as Sasori just rolled his eyes.

"I can't believe we are going through another thanksgiving and this time to Kisame's fathers' place..." Sasori said.

"Wonder who he's married to this time! Probably a porkypine, an interesting story that will be! hahaha!" Hidan said laughing as Sasori didn't seem amused.

"Disgusting but then Kisame wouldn't be born I guess." Sasori said.

"How the hell does that work again to make Kisame? Like his dad had sex with a female shark but how the hell is that possible?" Hidan asked.

"Don't know, I don't think the creators of Naruto wanted to get into that either." Sasori said breaking the fourth wall and continued to do so.

"We are just characters in a fanfiction created by some mastermind." Sasori said as Hidan's eyebrow arched and mouth open only to shrug it off.

"Meh... what ever the hell you're talking about. All I know is, I hope the rest of the foods good." He said.

"I mean Pain's bringing the turkey so it best not be wrecked up." Hidan said as Sasori sighed.

"Yea... And we got the rest of the shit in the back." Sasori said.


	2. Chapter 2

Sasori then pulled into the offroad from the main highway and Hidan looked at him questioningly.

"Why?" He asked.

"It will be faster, probably there will be a wreck on the freeway, usually there is." He said to him.

"Meh come on not always." Hidan said.

"Relax we will get there, no cops out here so I can get away with going a little faster." He said and suddenly he went on the dirt road as the truck was already capable of offroad and was easy on them to go through without ruining the food in the back.

"Woah ho ho!" Hidan said cheering.

"See? Relax and enjoy." Sasori said as they both went through the dirt rocky terrain road toward there destination.

"And now we are on the freeway so it will take us about thirty minutes to get there." Pain said concentrating as Konan was reading something.

Pain glanced to see what she was reading and it was a book on relationship advice.

"BAH!" Pain said in shock.

"W-what is that!?" Pain asked.

"For us." She said calmly.

"Us? I thought we have a wonderful marriage!" Pain said looking back and forth from driving to her and to the road.

"Maybe you need extra help..." Deidara said as Pain sighed shaking his head ignoring it.

"We got a good marriage but you always seem to want to do things your way." Konan said to him glaring at him.

"Well... I am the leader. A leader always has his way it's in the leader book of any evil organization." He said to her.

"Oh really? Show me where it says the wife isn't in charge once and awhile." She said as Pain just stayed silent.

"Its there..." Pain said.

"Yeah well show me." She said to him.

"Dude show it to her man." Deidara said.

"Shut up Deidara!" Pain yelled.

"Look Konan I will try to work on it, tell you what you can be in charge with uhm... plants." He said.

"We got none and your trying to ignore the fact that a wife can make decisions too for any villain even like us and even you the leader since I'm married to you." She said

. "She's got a point." Deidara said.

"Thank you, Deidara," Konan said which pumped Pain even more.

Meanwhile.

"Thanks, officer." Kisame said as he got his ticket- and a second ticket for being annoying.

"And I'll never cash these in." Kisame said ripping them up.

"Damn right, we do not waste my money! My money!" Kakuzu said.

"Our money!" Itachi and Kisame yelled.

"I robbed the most banks boys! Back in my day, I made good profit!" Kakuzu said and started going on about the old days.

"Okay look we will be at dads shortly since you were close to where he lives." Kisame said.

"Yeah yeah...- I did that so we don't waste gas." Kakuzu said.

"Its- ugh it's still going to be the same but okay." Kisame said as Itachi was texting.

"Itachi who you be talking too?" Kisame asked.

"Texting someone who's spying on my brother..." Itachi said.

"You got to get over your brother..." Kisame said.

"I cannot... or I will go into another depression. Kisame and Kakuzu blinked.

"You mean you're not in one now?" Kisame asked.

Meanwhile.

"Yaaahooo!" Hidan yelled as the truck was blasting through the countryside.

"We are gonna so get there early than them all." Hidan said and soon as he said that the truck began to slow down.

"What the- oh shit." Sasori said.

"What?" Hidan said looking at the dashboard as it showed the gas tank was empty.

"Ughhhh! We forgot to go to the gas station!" He said.

"Luckily we weren't on the freeway..." Hidan then said.

"Maybe some kind soul will - wait... not many people use this road... oh crap." Sasori said and turned on the radio to listen to any news reports as Hidan got out to see if he could flag for someone.

Meanwhile

Pain kept driving the freeway as Hidan and Konan spoke about how Pain is becoming a terrible leader/husband.

"Yeah... he should let us go out more often instead he thinks he should pay more attention to him." Deidara said.

"Yeah! and when he wants to have sex he just goes out and asks me and soon puppy eyes me to do it when he pissed me off the same day!" Konan said as Pain started to get angry.

"Maybe he should listen to you more dude... like... - woah." Deidara said blinking.

"I feel so light man... like I feel like I might float away." He said. Konan blinked and looked to Pain.

"See even he thinks you should be more considerate of me." She said.

"Well, why don't he screw you then!" Pain yelled making Konan frown.

"Maybe I will dude..." Deidara said as Pain let go of the wheel and reached back to grab Deidara who was leaning away from him in the back.

"The Road!" Konan yelled.

Pain quickly looked forward but it was too late as his hovercar slide up against another hovercar only to fling over it and spun in mid-air toward the other lane of the highway - they spun around as Pain and Konan screamed and Deidara in the back was so fucking calm and quiet he let out a "Ahhh..." sound in a calm voice.

Soon they made it okay however now in the other lane two hovercars crash into them and they spin out of that lane being hit and back onto the right lane however they knock into the side of a hovering oil truck and it crashed down making an explosion behind them as they themselves skid over onto the grass below.

Both lanes now in total chaos.

Meanwhile.

"Go faster boy! I'm getting older!" Kisame yelled.

"We are almost there just up this street!" Kisame said to him as they were in another town and off in the northern part heading down a few streets.

"Dad's mansion is so exciting." Kisame said.

"Wow... you make it sound gay as it is." Itachi said.

"Oh fuck you!" Kisame said and then they drove right up to a lovely mansion and waiting was two young female Neko species maids.

"What the hell?" Kakuzu asked.

"There damn skirts too damn high almost showing their butts what the hell is wrong with the world!" Kakuzu said.

"You were looking for there butts?" Itachi asked as Kisame and Kakuzu got out first.

"Greetings Mr. Hoshigaki, your father. Mr. Hoshigaki is waiting." One said as the other went to get the stuff from the back of there car.

"Thank you ladies... but I can handle it." Kisame said but the one maid already got it in one hand making Kisame and Itachi blink in confusion.

"Woah." Itachi said.

Meanwhile, Hidan was still flagging for people and then the radio spoke of a crash on the highway.

"See? Crash told you." Sasori said.

"Wonder what poor idiot got into it." Hidan said and soon a car was coming.

"Oh look someones here! Hey!" Hidan yelled waving toward them as the car slowed down.

"Yo, we need some gas." Hidan said.

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude I'm full of Gas brother." Mangle daughter of Drayconivous said and in the back of the car was a man tied up and gagged.

Hidan stared in confusion.

"uhh..." He said.

"Don't worry about it, I just kidnapped this guy to eat and stole his car... I got to head to the spaceport to head home for thanksgiveringitys." She said.

"Need a lift somewhere?" She asked.

"Yes yes- Sasori we are leaving this here!" He said.

"But we need room for the food!" Sasori said trying to get ahold of a towing company.

"Don't worry about it! Plenty of room!" Mangle said patting the tied up guy in the back's head.

"Oh hey, you like nuts?" Mangle asked holding a bag of nuts to them.

"Yeah sure." Sasori said taking some and Hidan as well.

"I'm sure you do. Swirl em in your mouth, lick that saltiness off them. Yeaaaah..." Mangle said and in the end, a creepy gargle voice grinning.

Sasori stopped chewing but Hidan kept going.


	3. Chapter 3

Pain woke up aching upside down as Deidara already got out and all of a sudden he floated into the air- that's how high he was.

"Ahhh..." He yelled in a calm voice again floating up.

"Holy shit..." Pain said crawling out as Konan herself was knocked out.

Pain grabbed her and dragged her out as the hovering fire truck came and splashed water on him and her and waking her up.

"We aren't on fire!" She yelled out.

"Sorry just protocol!" The firefighter said and did it again blasting them away on the concrete from the power of the firetrucks fire hose.

Meanwhile, Mangle was driving the car while drinking some odd drink.

"Mmmm..." She said and handed it toward Hidan in the passenger seat as Sasori was in the back while the tied up guy was in the trunk with the other stuff they had and some things in the back seat as well from the truck.

"Errr no thanks, I'm good." Hidan said smelling it.

"Suite yourself, its nature's intendedness." Mangle said drinking it all down and throwing it out the window.

"So who you two! You two wear same bathrobes- you gay guys?" She asked.

"No! we are not gay no! We are in an organization!" Hidan spouts out

. "No, we are not gay! We are the Akatsuki Clan." Sasori said to her.

"Riiiight." Mangle said.

"We are telling the truth!" Hidan yelled.

They soon saw a medical helicopter fly by.

"Huh weird..." Sasori said.

Meanwhile.

There the Medical helicopter unit flew down and hovered over Pain and Konan.

"No! We don't need medical transportation we need to get to a thanksgiving thing!" Pain said to the firefighter.

"Aye relax man!" The firefighter said to him.

"Canadian?" Pain asked confused rubbing his bruised head.

"Pain! Time!" Konan said to him.

"Oh crap!" Pain said getting up and then looking at the medical helicopter.

"I got a stupid yet brilliant yet life-threatening idea." Pain said to Konan who looked at him and then to the helicopter only to get the idea and smack her own head.

Pain and her both threw the pilots out and lifted the helicopter up and off toward there destination.

"I hope we aren't on the news." Konan said.

"Relax, I hope we are. That way no one will remember the last time we were on the news for stealing a stupid Mercedes Benz automobile." Pain said.

"You know that thing was expensive right? Probably more so than this helicopter." Konan said to him.

"Hmmm yeah, but who cares about price." Pain said.

"That's why we are in debt!" Konan yelled at him as he tried to fly the helicopter.

Meanwhile.

"So where are you from?" Sasori asked in the backseat as Mangle drove the stolen car she well stole.

"Me!? From a vagina." She said as Hidan burst out laughing.

"I like this girl!" He said as Sasori gave him an annoyed look.

"So this the place?" Mangle asked pulling over to the side next to the mansion.

"Yup." Sasori said getting out as Hidan did and right before they went to get there stuff Mangle drove off fast.

"Later suckers!" Mangle yelled.

"No!" Sasori yelled trying to use his chakra but was too late as she got out of reach.

"Son of a bitch!" Sasori said out loud.

"Hahahaha now that was funny!" Hidan said.

"How is that funny when the foods now were gone!" Sasori yelled.

Soon a Helicopter came around some buildings and only to crash on the roof of one and stop.

"Taadaa." Pain said as Konan stampered out.

"What the..." Hidan said looking across the street at them.

"When did Pain ever learn to fly?" Hidan asked.

"Never." Sasori said sighing as they both approached them.

"I did it! I am the king!" Pain said jumping out of the helicopter and soon its back end exploded and fell into the home.

"Lets... keep walking." Sasori said to them as they walked toward the mansion.

"So wheres the food?" Pain asked Sasori who looked at Hidan.

"Uhh... w-wheres the turkey?" Sasori asked.

"OH SHIT!" Pain said to himself.

"Oh no I forgot its destroyed in the car! No!" Pain yelled and cried. Konan kept walking annoyed.

"You lost the turkey- well hey we lost the food. Some girl stole it all." Hidan said as Pain grabbed at his neck.

"You imbicile!" Pain said.

"Ack! says you!" Hidan said being choked by Pain.

"Excuse me." A Neko maid said to them.

"If you will follow me into the mansion we will get you warm and away from the cold." She said politely as Hidan looked at her cleavage with a grin on his face.

Pain even stared until Konan stomped her heel into his foot making him hold in a squeal.

As they walked into the Mansion they noticed Kisame already putting some stuff up in the kitchen and there waiting is Mr. Hoshigaki, Kisame's father.

"Oh, yesh hellos." He said in his odd Italian accent.

"Hello, Mr. Hoshigaki." Pain said patting his shoulder as Hidan was walking around to check on the food in the kitchen.

"Mr. Hoshigaki, we lost the turkey and the other food supplies." Sasori said to him.

"Oh's its okays yesh. I will have one of the maids go get spares yesh." He said looking to a maid who bowed and left to do just that.

"Wow, a lot of Maids." Konan said a bit curious.

"Indeeds yesh, Yet I need the helps around heres." Mr. Hoshigaki said.

"Ohs I like yous twos to meets my new wife yesh." He said to Pain and Konan and brought out a Kangaroo.

"Err..." Pain said to himself.

"H-hi?" Konan said.

"She says hellos yesh." Mr. Hoshigaki said nodding.

"We mets in vacation in Australia yesh." Mr. Hoshigaki said.

"Errr Mr. Hoshigaki, sir. Have you ever wanted to date lets say the maids?" Pain asked.

"Why's would I's do thats?" Mr. Hoshigaki asked curiously.

Yet before Pain could reply then Kisame came in.

"Hi dad, hi new step mom." Kisame said to them and gave Pain a look as if to say do not criticize his father.

Pain then smiled and walked to the other room with Konan as Konan whispered to him.

"Lonely pervert huh?" She said.

"Oh yeah. But just ignore it." Pain said as they walked into the kitchen to help out.

Inside was Sasori who seemed upset.

"So how did we lose the blasted food?" Pain asked him.

"If you must know some girl was willing to take us here, drove us here. had some guy tied up in the back seat that had the car in the first place. and then when she dropped us off she took off with our stuff." Sasori said sighing and went to texting on his phone to someone.

"Right well, last time I leave you in charge of that." Pain said.

"Pshh and you lost the turkey." Sasori replied making Pain frown.

"I lost it because my wife was upsetting me over the truth." Pain said to him.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Deidara yelled and crashed into the roof of the mansion.

"Woah... duuude." He said. Pain ran up with Sasori to see what it was only to find Deidara laying in the rubble and debris of his mess through the roof and in one of the bedrooms in the mansion.

"Ugh great now we got to pay for this..." Pain said slapping his own face and helping Deidara up.

"What happened?" He asked him.

"I was high..." Deidara said.

"What else is new." Sasori replied scoffing.


	4. Chapter 4

"Sons Could you's helps with stuffins the turkeys yesh." Mr. Hoshigaki asked Kisame.

"Sure dad- I love it when I stuff em." He said

. "So do I sons... so do I's." His father said.

Walking passed his son Kisame. Pain, on the other hand, heard that and had to slap himself.

"Ugh... this is so fucked up." He said and walked into the other room to see Hidan checking out the Neko maids.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Spying on the girls." Hidan replied.

"Try not to get caught like last time." Pain said.

"Relax I'm not that bad- well a little." Hidan said looking over to him before looking back at the two Neko maids.

"You know they act so odd." Hidan said.

"Yeah, no kidding if they work for Kisame's dad." Pain said to him.

"What are we talking about?" Kisame said coming in.

"Your weird dad." Hidan said.

"W-why are you talking about my dad like that?" Kisame asked.

"Because of Kisame it's a little bit true." Pain said to him.

"I mean your dad keeps these sexy nekos but only falls in love with animals- ANIMALS Kisame." Pain yelled at him but not too loud.

"But Dad's a lonely man..." Kisame said.

"His love for my mom and my other stepmoms is undying." Kisame said.

"Ohhh isn't that sweet, it's disgusting." Pain said.

"It is dude." Hidan said still spying on the Neko girls.

"Your one to talk..." Kisame said to Hidan and looking back to Pain.

"It isn't your business what my dad does either." He said to Pain sternly.

"I know but, I don't like seeing it, let alone keeping my mouth shut." He said.

Sasori was in the kitchen, however, drinking some vodka only until Konan walked passed him taking it out of his hands.

"Not today until its over." She told him as he just pushed his head onto the counter groaning.

Soon Pain went upstairs to go to the bathroom. As he was in the bathroom doing his business he started to hear some odd noises and frowned leaning against the wall.

"What the hell is that god awful noise..." Pain said curiously to himself.

"I don't know." Deidara said coming out of the cupboard of the sink. "What the hell!?" Pain asked.

"I'm everywhere..." Deidara said to him.

"Are you this high!? come on let's not do this today." Pain said to him. Soon the noise they heard got louder and shrieker.

"My god..." Pain said finishing up.

"Yeah, I know it's like worse than a chalkboard..." Deidara said to him as they both left the bathroom together- as they did walking by was a Neko maid who looked at the two.

"Just so you know we are straight and nothing happened gay like." Deidara said to her.

"Right." She said walking off plainly.

"There creepy like so plain dull." Pain said.

"Nah I think they just need to get some dick." Deidara said to him as they heard the noise again.

Pain and Deidara went up to the door it was coming from.

"What if its a monster?" Deidara said.

"Why do you think there is a monster here?" Pain asked.

"Because in mansions there that or ghosts... I watch scooby doo." Deidara said and nodded as if he was for sure of it.

"Okay well open it then." Pain said.

"It's locked..." Deidara said trying the knob.

"Okay, then we kick the door down and see whats up in three..." Pain started.

Deidara threw a small clay bomb at the door. Pain using his Rennegan like shield around himself quickly to absorb the blast only to frown at Deidara.

"Let me finish my count down." He said sternly.

They both rush inside only to see... Mr. Hoshigaki and the Kangaroo getting it on.

"UGH!" Pain said.

"P-blaag!" Deidara said throwing up and laughing at the same time.

"blua hahaha blua ahhaa!" Deidara laughed puking.

"Oh my god!" Pain yelled covering his eyes.

"Boys boys! Whats are ya doings!" Mr. Hoshigaki asked putting the blanket over his hairy chest.

Konan then ran upstairs only for Pain to shove her out before she saw it.

"Its nothing Hunny go down and do something normal!" Pain said as she scoffed at him and grabbed him only to see Mr. Hoshigaki in bed with the Kangaroo.

"Ohh! God!" She yelled and stormed out.

"Mr. Hoshigaki... sir. Could you please- please like..." Pain started.

"Pains its naturals yesh. It's parts of lifes." Mr. Hoshigaki said seemingly not embarrassed.

"No! It's- ugh!" Pain said walking out to find Konan.

Deidara still crawling out throwing up.

Konan outside was trying to find something to get her mind on- only to throw paper daggers at nearby children playing outside and one paper-knife hitting a boy in the eye making her hide quickly.

"What are you doing?" Pain asked.

"Nothing revolving abusing children." She said to him as he stood there blinking in confusion.

"Okay well... we all seen Mr. Hoshigaki's... Mr. Hoshigaki." Pain said frowning.

"Inside of a Kangaroo." Konan added. "

YEAH!" Pain said glaring at her.

"I didn't want to rethink about it but thanks! So much..." He said.

"We have to say something about how wrong this is to Kisame." Konan said.

"Yeah and he'll probably cry about it saying how we are being mean about his dad too." Pain said.

"Look we can't tell Kisame because he's so used to it he probably thinks its normal." Pain said sighing and soon an ambulance came to where the boy was and Konan walked off to hide again as Pain was confused.

"What happened there?" He said to himself.

"I look so pretty." Kisame said looking at himself in a sweater.

"Guys don't talk about themselves like that." Itachi said to him.

"If they looked the way I do they would because I know I do!" Kisame said chuckling as Itachi had his mouth a little lowered in eerieness.

"Yeah." He sadly said to Kisame then Hidan came in.

"Okay, so I think if we play our cards right we could get Neko laid tonight. We just got to know what they like, then we can get them to bed with us. Four Neko's and one each for you two, me and maybe one for Sasori." Hidan said to them.

"Dad wouldn't like that." Kisame said.

"As if your fathers doing anything with them than the Kangaroo." Hidan said.

"Mrs. Kangaroo." Kisame stated.

"You really don't see what's wrong with that picture do you..." Itachi said.

"Oh, you know my dad..." Kisame said.

Meanwhile, Kakuzu was smoking only to see Pain come through the front door.

"Hello boy! You look like you saw a ghurst." Kakuzu said and laughed.

"Or worse... We saw Mr. Hoshigaki getting it on with the Kangaroo by accident." Pain said.

"Ahhh! How - furryful!" Kakuzu laughed as Pain frowned.

"Don't... Don't do that." He said.

"Dinners almost ready!" One of the Neko's said.

"Well, let's get fat boy. Come on." Kakuzu said throwing his cigarette away outside as it fell into some dry brush.


	5. Chapter 5

They all sat at the long dinner table in the dining room of the mansion as the Neko maids, of course, was serving each of the plates to everyone.

Hidan, however, was checking each of them out as they walked by only for Sasori to shake his head and wishing to sneak a vodka in quickly. Everyone else was beginning to eat then Mr. Hoshigaki tapped on his glass.

"I'd like to says thanks you for comings everyones. Kisame told me much nice things yesh about all of you yesh." He said to them.

Everyone did have a hard time looking at him but managed to nod and smile.

"Lets eats yesh." He said as everyone began to eat.

Konan, however, looked at everyone then to Mr. Hoshigaki and then whispered to Kisame.

"How about you ask your dad if he ever has thought about asking out a human woman." She said to him.

"Konan I wouldn't dare insult my daddy... or tell him what to do." He said.

"That isn't insulting just helping." She said to him.

"So Pains! How goes your evil organization." Mr. Hoshigaki asked.

"Good, very good you see the other day... we, captured a mint condition sculpture of a Jinchuuriki. Improvement." Pain said smiling so proud of himself.

"Oooo that's nices yesh." Mr. Hoshigaki replied.

"Maybe we don't need to tell him nothing..." Pain whispered to Konan who hit him under the table with her heel.

"You know we might all end up in Serenity's main story if we keep this oddness up." Deidara said.

"What?" Sasori asked.

"Don't worry about it." Deidara said.

"What the hell is wrong with you all." Hidan said curiously.

"You know! I got a question for you Mr. Hoshayyygokaaayyy." Kakuzu said bluntly.

"Yesh?" Mr. Hoshigaki asked.

"How come your fuckin animals you fucked up man!" He said as Pain coughed hard on his food and Deidara slowly began to clap and Hidan began to bluntly laugh.

"Kakuzu No!" Kisame yelled.

"Kisame its time your dad admits to his sins and says whyyyy!" Kakuzu yelled back.

"I see's nothings wrongs with its...?" Mr. Hoshigaki said.

"It's wrong by all standards." Konan replied.

"Konan no! Your hurting daddy with words!" Kisame yelled.

"Ohhh fuck off Kisame Its time someone did." Konan said crossing her arms.

"Bitch don't you tell my dad no more!" Kisame said to her.

"I'll cut you." She said.

"Pain tell her to not talk to daddy no more and call her a bitch." Kisame said in a childish like tone.

"No... or then I'm cut. But Mr. Hoshigaki, I hate to say this but its something we are all quite curious about why you do." He said to him.

"Just so all of you know I'm not curious about the sex just to why..." Deidara said bluntly and took a sip of ale.

Sasori meanwhile was quickly drinking vodka from his flask then pulling out another flask doing the same.

"There is nothing wrong with my dad! Deidara here is a pothead looser! LOOSER!" He yelled at Deidara seemingly to get the attention off his dad.

"Really? You want to pull that up? Okay... At least I don't jack off to pictures of current Oprah Winfrey!" Deidara yelled out.

"How dare you! She loves me! I am sure of it!" Kisame yelled.

"You know come to think of it your never on my side on things..." Konan said to Pain.

"I'm on your side right now?" Pain said.

"For now." She said.

"Woah Woah whats that suppose to mean?" Pain asked her.

"Means your doing a terrible job as a leader and a husband." Sasori said.

"Ohhh really? You're getting drunk." Pain said to him.

"Wanting too." Sasori said back glaring at him.

"So you got anyone, dating anyone? Sleeping with anyone?" Hidan asked a Neko maid who just sighed walking away.

"She doesn't need a pervert on her Hidan!" Kisame yelled.

"Says Mr Oprah man!" Kakuzu spouted.

"At least I don't steal from our own wallets." Kisame yelled.

"Wait he did what?" Pain asked glaring at Kakuzu.

"You did it again!" Pain yelled.

"Yes boy, fight me if you wish!" Kakuzu said challengingly.

"I hate my life..." Itachi said.

"You hate everything but your little brother that you cry over." Hidan said as Itachi threw food at him.

"No, do not speak of Sasuke!" He said.

Soon everyone was fighting and throwing food. Mr. Hoshigaki, on the other hand, was telling everyone the story of why he fell in love with animals but no one was paying attention. The Neko maids just stood there silently.

Then the doorbell rang as one Neko opened it and there at the front door was Serenity holding onto Mangle's shoulder.

"Hi, I hate to disturb but Mangle here stole a car full of food and some dead guy that she was eating on... uhm she said that this was the house she let some people out of that she stole the food from and I'm making her from the kindness of Thanksgiving to bring it here." Serenity said.

"That and to get some screentime for this story." Mangle said.

"I will let my Master know this, come in then with the food." She said as they approached inside and then noticed everyone arguing.

Serenity looked at Mangle who looked at Serenity.

"Good thing we aren't like them- but worse." She said to Serenity.

Mr. Hoshigaki then looked up.

"Ahh, goods the rests of your foods are heres." He said.

Pain looked to the side.

"Wait for that's the girl who stole the food from you, two idiots!?" Pain said to Sasori and Hidan.

"Hey! We aren't idiots you stupid square!" Hidan said.

"Sasori's fault by the way." Hidan then said.

"Ohhh wow at least I don't try to sleep with the maids here." Sasori said.

The maids gave a stare to Hidan.

"Hehe... I don't know what he's talking about, I'm gay." Hidan said to try to avoid getting killed seeing one slowly pulling out a knife.

"Knew it." Mangle said with a nod.

"He likes nuts." Mangle said.

"You are trying to sleep with them admit it!" Kisame said.

"I'm sorry dad for how they treat you because you marry animals." He said to his father.

"It's okays son." Mr. Hoshigaki said to Kisame.

"Wait... what the living fuck!?" Serenity said.

"That's fucked up!" Mangle said.

"Shut up or I'll destroy you! Don't talk about daddy that way!" Kisame yelled.

"Do it... I dare you. Do it... Do it. Do it. Tell him Palp!" Mangle said and looked to Palpatine who magically appeared.

"Dew it!" Palpatine said standing behind Mangle.

Everyone looked at him with a stare.

"Mangle I need to go back to my universe." Palpatine said.

"Yeah just hold on." Mangle said.

"Like Duuuuuuuuuuuuude." Mangle said sitting beside Kakuzu and took a bite of his turkey leg.

"Like damn son that is fuuucked up." Mangle said.

"I hate this bitch but I must agree with her." Kakuzu said.

"Okay, so you see this isn't normal Kisame even these two people who I haven't met ever but seem important agree." Pain said.

"But... my dad is normal." Kisame said huffing.

"No son, I am nots." Mr. Hoshigaki finally admitted.

"What? But dad." Kisame said. "No son." His father replied.

"It was after I met a lovely woman named Angelica, she had sweet golden hair... when we dated for awhile, we decided to have sex. Only to my surprise, she had a penis... I never wanted to have sex with a human again." His father said and everyone was well a bit shocked.

"That's the reason?" Pain asked confused.

"Yesh." Mr. Hoshigaki said.

"I fell in love with misses Shark and made Kisame." He said.

"How does- you know what I don't care this is beyond extreme." Serenity said.

"Oh, this is getting juicy." Palpatine said poking Mangle's shoulder.

"Mangle we are going." Serenity said heading off but stopped sniffing.

"I smell smoke." She said and then she looked out the window.

"Oh my god!" Serenity yelled.

"A fire is surrounding the place!" She said as everyone looked out in shock.

"Uh oh I wonder how it happened." Kakuzu said knowing it was from his cigarette.


	6. Chapter 6

"The flames are engulfing around the Mansion!" Pain said standing up with the others.

"Mrs. Kangaroo!" Mr. Hoshigaki said as the Kangaroo took off bouncing away.

"Leave her dad she might be going to get help!" Kisame said.

"She's always runnings aways..." Mr. Hoshigaki said sighing.

"She musts be goings to gets help." He said to Kisame.

All of a sudden the Kangaroo leaped out of the far off window and escaped before the flames went into that window and it took off down the street.

"Go stepmom!" Kisame said as Pain just rubbed his head looking around.

"Everyone upstairs quickly!" Sasori said as Deidara ran but fell.

"Uh oh, im too high..." Deidara said as Kakuzu picked him up.

"Damn it all boy!" He said.

Serenity and Mangle went with them.

"Just to think we have our own thanksgiving." Serenity said.

"Which probably won't be wrote about but this one." Mangle said to her as Serenity was confused by what she meant by all that.

"We got to keep going- wait what are you doing!?" Pain yelled down to Hidan.

"I'm turning on all the facets in the sink and plugging them so that way it floods and the fire won't hurt us." Hidan said.

"..." Pain just stared at him speechless.

Hidan then ran up the stairs saying to Pain.

"Don't worry I got this." he said.

"Yeah..." Pain said rubbing his head some more as they all got up to the second floor but the flames kept coming up with them.

"Oh noes! My mints collection paintings worth six thousands eachs!" Mr. Hoshigaki said crying onto one of the maids who patted him with a dull expression.

"Can I have a pat?" Hidan asked.

"Burn in hell." She said to him.

"Sadly we all might." Deidara said as Kisame looked at his father.

"I'm sorry dad! I wished I was honest like everyone but, I must say this now. Dad. It is wrong what you are doing its sick and evil." Kisame said to his father.

"Son, I knows I'm a lonely mans... I know." He said and hugged his son.

"Buts I do not regrets making yous with misses shark." He said to him.

Both the father and son hugged for awhile and Konan just smiled.

"See now that's a breakthrough." She said.

"And Son. You have a stepbrother." Mr. Hoshigaki said.

"I do!? wait- who!?" He asked.

"His names Orochimaru. Yesh." Mr. Hoshigaki said and to which everyone turned and looked at Mr. Hoshigaki and to Kisame.

"That makes... odd sense." Kisame said.

"Was his mom miss snake?" Hidan asked.

"Yes, do yous know hers?" Mr. Hoshigaki replied.

"A guess." Hidan grinned.

"Okay! How in the hell is that all possible!" Serenity yelled confused.

"Well you see's its easys." Mr. Hoshigaki said until a huge explosion was heard downstairs.

"There went the oven I bet." One of the Neko maids said.

"Wait! Hidan may have had a point, we should get water flowing and stay in the center of the building on the roof." Pain said.

"There is no roofs access." Mr. Hoshigaki said.

"Then we will make one." Pain said

Soon a big boom was heard as Pain leaped up after using Shinra Tensei through the building and helped everyone up.

"So who's Orochimaru?" Mangle asked Sasori.

"Michael Jackson I think." He said.

"Oh.- who's that?" Mangle asked as they then got everyone onto the roof.

As they sat on the roof the flames scorched around them and soon part of the mansion fell downward.

"Where the hell is the firetrucks!?" Hidan asked.

"Probably stuck on the freeway we screwed up." Pain said.

"We!? You!" Konan yelled smacking the back of his head.

"Okay, we need a game plan!" Serenity said looking around. "

I think this is it... Dad- I got something to admit." Kisame said to his father.

"Son I love you no matters whats." Mr. Hoshigaki said hugging his son.

"Dad. I had sex with an Oprah Winfrey cake... it's the spitting image of her in a bikini." Kisame said.

Everyone then turned and looked at him in disgust and shock and Pain's eye twitched.

"And after I... 'ate' her out... hahahhahahaha!" Kisame said to try to make a laugh happen but none happened- except Mangle laughed.

"Son, I think that drawn the line." Mr. Hoshigaki said.

"Daddy..." Kisame said sadly.

"Holy shit these people are freaks." Palpatine told Mangle.

"Your one to talk." Konan said with a glare.

"Oh great..." Sasori said as a dark portal opened up in front of them and standing from it was Zamasu and Goku Black at full power.

"Blagu blagu blag, kill the saiyans." Goku Black said in a corny retarded way.

Zamasu glaring down at pain speaking in a wimpy voice.

"Its time I... I! Defeat you once and for all!" He said.

"Oh great... its these two rivals of ours that think are more evil than us..." Pain said.

"I'm evil." Palpatine said.

"Not now Palpatine!" Everyone shouted.

"Actually we are! We stole candy... from a baby..." Zamasu said to Pain.

"So did I!" Pain yelled.

"The baby was also... from a rich family." He said to Pain and Pain was in great shock.

"Holy crap! He's better than me!" He said.

Before a fight happened, however, a huge blast of Ion beamed right into Zamasu and Goku Black vaporizing them away.

There in the sky was an Alliance starship hovering and soon two smaller units flew out that had water pouring out onto the mansion.

"About time..." Serenity said sighing.

"I thought this craziness was going to get even more crazier." Serenity said.

"They... They killed our rivals in a single blast and it takes us five days just to beat them at chess..." Pain said in disbelief.

"You're an evil organization leader!?" Serenity said in confusion and disbelief.

"I'm one of the best." Pain said to her.

"Dude... you're fucked up." Mangle said as Pain facepalmed himself.

"A disgrace." Palpatine sighed.

"I agree with that." Konan said.

After the fire subsided, they then had thanksgiving out on the lawn- what was left however was the food Mangle brought back that they ate on.

"I'm thankful for all of you." Pain said quickly seemingly trying to seem evil still.

"Aww." Konan said kissing his cheek as he smiled at her.

"AWWWWWWW!" Kisame said grinning.

"I'm thankful too." Kisame admitted.

"I's toos am Thankfuls." Mr. Hoshigaki said and wrapped his arms around the Neko maids.

"I decided to have sex with each of them." He said.

One neko punched him square in the face and another elbowed his groin and they all walked off.

"We quit." One said.

Hidan got up and run up to them.

"Wait, girls! You can have me!" Hidan said but then they could hear him being beaten up nearby.

"Help me!" Hidan shouted.

Serenity and Mangle waved and walked into the Alliance shuttle to head back to there home and to there thanksgiving.

"Happy thanksgiving!" Serenity waved at them.

"Alright, Palp lets get you back to your universe through a means of our creator just making a portal to hurry up and take you there." Mangle said.

"Dew it!" Palpatine shouted to the narrator.


	7. Chapter 7

After the thanksgiving Pain was in a new car driving home with Konan with Deidara in the backseat.

"So... what did we learn?" Deidara asked the both of them.

"To have thanksgiving at our base." Konan said.

"That we - oh. ... uhh yeah sure." he said.

"Where did you want to have thanksgiving next year?" she asked.

"How about your parent's house." he said to her.

"No." She said.

There was silence and then Pain spoke.

"Okay." He said.

Deidara was again lightning another roll of pot and smoking it.

Sasori and Hidan were both in a taxi cab with the items they brought like pots and crates of left overs as they are heading back to base.

The Taxi driver, of course, didn't know English and was singing to himself listening to music of his nationality.

Hidan also was bruised up and scratched by the Neko maids he tried to flirt with yet again as they all ganged up and nearly killed him.

"So what did we learn?" the cab driver asked in English surprising them he knew the language.

"Learned to drink before going to any holiday event." Sasori said.

"Learned to flirt with less aggressive girls..." Hidan said aching.

"Nice! Hey, I have a sister I could hook you up with." He said.

"Really?" Hidan asked.

"Yeah, hers a picture of her dude." He showed Hidan the picture on his phone.

The girl in it, however, was nice and all, but had a mustache like he did.

"Oh. ... uh... you know what I think she's too good for me." Hidan said.

"He thinks your sisters ugly." Sasori said.

"He say what!?" The cab driver stopped only to reach back and fight Hidan.

Kisame was driving Kakuzu and Itachi back to the base like always and in the backseat with Itachi was his father.

"Thanks for lettings me stays for a bits till my mansion is restoreds yesh." Mr. Hoshigaki said to his son and friends.

"Your welcome dad. it's no problem." Kisame said to him.

"But Son, we must speaks over you and Oprah Winfrey and yours obsessions towards hers." Mr. Hoshigaki said wagging his finger.

"Yes, dad..." Kisame said in disappointment.

"So no more animals for you!? Noooo Gopher! Or... Bear!" Kakuzu said laughing.

"No No, I musts learns normal womens." Mr. Hoshigaki said nodding to himself.

"Its a shame im nearly blind and not nearly deaf." Itachi said in the back sitting with Mr. Hoshigaki.

"Oh come now Itachi, today was a fun day." He said.

"Yea... I guess." Itachi said sighing.

"Who was that girl with green hair and the one with white hair with a missing eye that had a robotic eye inside her skull?" Itachi asked referring to Serenity, and about Mangle.

"I don't know." Kisame said.

"Probably from another storyline!" Kakuzu said.

"Huh?" Kisame asked.

"Don't worry about it boy! Don't worry about it!" He said lighting another cigarette.

"Not in my car." Kisame said.

"Fuck you." Kakuzu said puffing it out into his face.

Pain made it back to there base and Deidara got out of the car and looked up then down.

"Duuude... the sky is like... dark." Deidara said.

"Yeah, it gets dark at evening Deidara." Pain said to him shaking his head helping him in with Konan.

"Tomorrow we got to work on him getting clean." Konan said to Pain.

"Yea..." Deidara said to Pain.

"You got to get me clean." He said to him as Pain smacked his head.

"Shut up." Pain said.

As Pain and Konan entered inside, Zetsu was in there watering the plants.

"How was it?" The white side of Zetsu asked.

"You missed all the bullshit." Pain said walking by him helping Deidara to the couch.

"You look like charcoal what the hell happened fell into a chimney Mr Santa?" The black half of Zetsu asked chuckling.

"A fire broke out." Pain said.

"Good thing we weren't there then." The white half of Zetsu said smiling.

Deidara then looked at Zetsu.

"What would happen if I lit you and smoked you?" Deidara asked.

"You'd get mega high." The black half of Zetsu said.

"Duuuude." Deidara said to himself.

Pain just shook his head and laughed a bit and hugged Konan kissing her.

"Let's do something like this for Christmas." He said smirking as she blushed and shook her head.

"Let's try to keep it PG-13." She said.

"Let's make it rated R for violence." Deidara said.

"Or for sexual content." Pain winked at Konan.

"Let's not get into any sexual acts, you stupid humans..." The black half of Zetsu said.

"Come now let's just let them have intercourse, it's not like its a big deal for them." The white half of Zetsu said.

"You know all this sex talk is making me hungry." Deidara said looking at Pain who sighed.

"I'll get the chips..." Pain said as Deidara smirked.

"I'm glad I can act high to get away with shit." He said.

"or wait..." Deidara continued.

"Am I still high though?" he asked himself as Konan, Zetsu and Pain just look at him in disbelief.

"I think next year we go to your parents Konan." Pain said.

"No!" Konan yelled standing up to grab him as he ran off in the base and she chased him.

Zetsu and Deidara alone in the living room looked at one another.

"Want to watch a Christmas story?" The white half of Zetsu asked.

"Fuck yeah... I'm high enough." Deidara said.

Meanwhile out in the middle of the night in the snow was an even more bruised up Hidan and Sasori and all there shit again stolen by the cab driver that Hidan pissed off.

Sasori was flagging and soon a hovercar slowed down next to them and rolling down the window was none other than Drayconivous.

"You two need a lift?" Dray asked them.

"Yeah... we have been through a hell of a day." Sasori said helping Hidan in who was so bruised up.

They drove with him for a bit until Sasori asked.

"So uh you're taking us to our base right?" he asked.

"Yea but first I got to pick up some of my kids who are nearby." Dray said to them as he then pulled into a bus lane for travelers to get inside but in his case his daughters.

Then came in Serenity and Mangle who looked at Hidan and Sasori in awe and then two of there other sisters, Mienshao and Froslass got in with them.

"You two again?" Mangle said.

"Huh?" Dray said looking back.

"That's the girl who stole our crap! The one we told you about how it all happened!" Sasori said to Dray.

"Ugh, Mangle! Apologize to them!" He said.

"I'm sorry..." Mangle said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Good girl." Drayconivous said driving off.

"Okay, so where is your base?" He asked them.

"Just a mile that way." Sasori said.

Then in the back seat, Hidan was with the girls as he looked at Mienshao checking her out and gave a thumbs up.

"Like to go on a date with a rock hard guy like me? Who also has a rock hard tool?" He asked.

Dray stopped the hovercar and looked back.

"That's my daughter." he said to Hidan.

Then Mienshao smirked showing her sharp claws from her hand and Dray getting his hand into a fist.

"Oh no..." Hidan said.

Happy Thanksgiving!


End file.
